Surving middle school

                      SURVING MIDDLE SCHOOL

                   A MILENIAL parent'sperspective

     I can’t imagine what it must be like as an educator. I’m a nurse and have carried many different jobs as well as earlier careers. I’ve had great mentors as well as managers, I’ve also had some horrific ones. I am currently a manager and I do so in a democratic manner. I like to hear and be heard, I like to lead by example and would be never ask staff to be accountable for things I would not myself. I also interact with families from all walks of life on a daily with compassion and open mind and heart. 

  Educators, I don’t know, maybe it’s my recent increase in bitterness but our middle school the principal is just horrific. She runs an authoritarian ship from the teachers down to the students and attempts with the parents. These teachers already lost so much with core curriculum and what and how they can teach our kids, but now to have stand in line and follow a narcissistic principal. Why are they now voted in like town officials, because that’s what they are in actuality. 

It appears so much staff are either too tenured or just the opposite, too new to speak up.

Maybe COVID did this, I just don’t have an answer. I do know parents coddling their children when they make some pretty horrible mistakes as a teen (or any age) is not the way.

Admins deals with parents asking to hold other student responsible for occurrences far outside of school!! Are we really getting that bad at parenting that we need to ask the schools help at every turn?? If people only understood how at so many schools the students are pinned against each other coerced to “Snitch". I mean about everything you could possibly imagine. Who said this, who threw the carrots, who is texting these comments. 

The admin has this way to twist their words, or threaten with suspension, losing privileges, parents called and the list goes on. Admin attempts to do this with most parents who speak up, hence no one does for they do not want their child “targeted”.

I know first hand, for I have a strong personality and I tend to go head first into a battle that I’m in for my kids,  or for anything I feel passionately for or I'm sure of.

  This is the first time in 43 years that I have met someone that makes me want to throw in the towel on what I feel is right. The craziest part, is that its not just a random cause or a political opinion. No this is ALL about my three beautiful boys! I will have to continue with this school for another five years. We’ve been there three already and the youngest is in fourth grade so that’s quite a while.

I will go until exhaustion, and still will not stop. I will go every round for I am aware of how difficult it is to beat a narcissist (or ar least I'm finding out) and my kids are not equipped mentally to handle that nor do I want them to be. Who else are we supposed to fight the hardest for in this life if not your children?

   This admin gives no thought to the effects of ratting on each other for these silly mishaps. They put no extra thought to how so many of these big OR little occurrences that seem to just, “Go away” will effect our children. Everything is about stopping the situation as soon as possible no matter the means and ending it! Wait I'm sorry, it's about "Handling them quietly". Imagine that poor 11 year old who was coerced into tattling on a 14 year old when he’s seen come freshman year, and for something so ridiculously frivolous.  All of this non-sense sually stems from the, yes I’ll say it, THE KARENS that are parenting!  The school has to appease them, for if not they’ll go off their rockers and take the apple thrown on the bus or the pony tail being pulled to the news, and Im.not joking or worse to the town crybaby Facebook page!! We all know how those escalate for so many seem have more time to spend online then raising our little humans, soon to be adults. 

  Come to grips with the fact that this is now their reality. We have now been forced to change our parenting style, which goes against any way I was brought up or how I believe society should be. My boys have been urged to just say nothing. We used to teach them that the truth was always the only route for it’s the easiest, keeps them truest to themselves and from this they'll learn from any mistake and will only help them grow.  Not anymore, you say NOTHING unless it is life or death! The truth they would tell would ultimately be twisted into what someone else wants to hear to easier coerce others, and squash their "Problem" on the way they feel best fits their agenda and move on.  Our boys know that if someone is being seriously threatened (I mean bullying that is serious not a name call) or if serious threats or anything similar is happening you report it. They know the difference in reporting, what is reportable and what us plain old tattling, or "Ratting"! The stories I could tell about the number of students purposely walking in to tell on another for what I'm assuming is to feel power over another, or getting even. I'm not sure for this is new to me. You never would go and tell the principal that another student (usually a previous friend you're, at that moment upset with) that they called you, "Stupid, or said I'm not your friend anymore. These little things are being brought to the admin attention for they asked gor it. In the heat of the moment their preteen or teen minds aren't developed enough to think of the consequences, it's an instant gratification or sense of entitlement. They don't realize that "Bullying", is huge issue and that anything you say can be misconstrued. They aren't mindful of deciphering bullying and teenage drana anymore for we as a society have made it that way. Parents say "What that child didn’t pick you for their team at gym", or "That child wouldnt let you sit with them at the bus, you must be being BULLIED"! Seriously when we do this the real bullying gets list in between.  When instill in our children that it's "Right" to be picked at gym or be invited to that child's birthday party or whatever else it may be, we're setting them up to fail. We're not giving them the emotional resources to handle their own selves or conflicts. We're not preparing them to be confident within themselves.  When all of this brought together the student they "Ratted" on (now after the story is flipped to fit admins agenda), could potentially face lifelong effects. Effects that could be taken through school with them, effects at home, effects emotionally and with relationships in the future. What ARE we doing to our kids!! Please just stop, stop and think of what feeling entitled and let down will do. When they don't get into the college of choice or the denied job they applied for, how are they gling to be equipped to handle this?  I'll tell you how, they won't, they'll likelt feel angry because of their subconscious entitlement, they'll feel inadequate and lose confidence or they'll play the blame game we've so easily taught them. Imagine this generation living at home in their thirties with so many uncertainties and emotional tools. 

Teen boys that have known each other for 5-10 years teasing each other is misconstrued and turned into a big investigation.  So, am I missing something here?  Is this what they meant by the p***ification of America? Are kids coming home with a sob story and do parents say, “I’m calling the school, or you go right to the principal with this tomorrow”? Is this what’s happening, it must be how else would we be breading this? If you didn’t want to raise kids you shouldn’t have had them, do not expect a school to do the work for you. If your child has a problem with mine they can talk it out or you and I can!!

We are making them all little snitches and learning to not trust anyone.

  Okay so their teachers or maybeee some principals may have their back today, but they’re not there tomorrow or next year or out at the mall next weekend. Wait, maybe they are at the mall because if it happens at the mall, “the school has grounds to deal with it.” Say whatttttt?!

Just a “hypothetical instance, when can a teen boy walks up to another teen boy in his circle of friends and threaten to harm his one year younger sister, (horrific threats) or his mother he can't have or doesn’t to face consequences? I mean friend group consequences, this child should get smacked by his "friend", his friend should be allowed to come back and say that if he says it again he's getting punched. Sorry they're teen boys, very soon to be 175lb young men. This won't fly out in a group in two years. 

Well as of now, no he can’t or he’ll likely lose everything. I mean hell lose his athletics;, his social school activities, his maybe honor program that was worked so hard for. He can’t even send a text threatening to punch him if he doesn’t stop (outside school hours)!

  Hello, how ablut kudos for sticking up for your younger sister especially when it was 1000% warranted. Kudos for not caring of the ridiculous repercussions. So sorry that admin pretty much forced you to apologize, YES actually apologize to this student who had began the threats and not just to you, but to many, many students. Im also so sorry for your best friend who used his words ONLY to try defend his best friend of 10 year's sister. I'm sorry he too is being  reprimanded, degraded and threatened to be suspended, lose his honors and social freedoms.

   In the 90s, if you did anything remotely similar, this went for us girls too, we handled it our own way and then it was over, no investigations because they were not needed!!

Were not redoing justice for our kids and their adult futures by coddling then not letting them see real life repercussions.

I can’t imagine what a work environment would be like?? I actually cannot picture it for its an unreal fantasy. I’m not sure if anyone from management down would have any long term success. I can't imagine friendships and marriages making it at this rate we are steadily going at.

   So what does that mean for this generation coming up? I really do not have an answer and as their mom I’m scared but thankfully we still reach our kids reality. They may not see it in action in their 180 day school life, buy hopefully it’s enough to ensure they are capable, respectful adults with healthy sustaining relationships.

  After all this non-sense the hardest part is that we, the  parents are now being told how nervous admin is about being called out on “Facebook” for something they did or a student did that may make the school look bad!  Who cares, admin and council should be off of social media. Social media is fake, it’s a rumor mill full or misery. For that much emphasis to go into a social media outlet is unfathomable to me. Parents holding back to stick up for their children scared of the repercussions!!! Come on parents 💩 or get off the pot! These are OUR children, not theirs!! Take action, don’t go silent because,” Your child is almost out”! Sad enough the staff under the admin are following suit though I know in my heart they don't agree but feel "Stuck"! You're not stuck, speak up, make a difference and help our children!

  Mind you as all these small situations are taking time from our admins, the real-life bullying which is causing suicide rates to skyrocket. The self harm and inpatient mental health has advanced all time high, that professionals cannot keep up with!! Bullying is not what is was 15/20 years ago. It’s targeted social media, horrific bullying!! They even bully children with disabilities!! At least our generation knew that was a way to get you’re a** kicked, and fast!!   

Oh and the silent “bullying” for standardized testing is a whole other can worms for another early AM rant, keep on the lookout. 

  Sincerely, an almost, but NEVER defeated MILENIAL parent!! Parents stick together and stop following suit!